Genesis, Chapter 3, Verses 13-24

God is one mean bastard.

Verses 13-24 basically cover the doling out of punishment by God as a result of Adam and Eve's apple eating fiasco.

It ain’t pretty.

The crafty serpent is condemned by God to an eternity “on thy belly,” eating dust and dirt.

Sounds bad, but compared to what is to come, he gets off easy.

For the woman (who has yet to receive a name), God greatly multiplies her sorrow, forces painful and sorrowful (yes, sorrowful) childbirth upon her, and places her under the eternal rule of her husband.

As for Adam, the Lord sentences him to a lifetime of suffering as a result of his knowledge of good and evil and ultimately condemns him to death.

At this point, in the midst of receiving news of his punishments, Adam finally decides to give his wife a name, choosing Eve “because she was the mother of all living.”

Please note that she has yet to produce a single child or even become pregnant, yet she is suddenly the mother of all living.

God then kicks their asses out of the Garden of Eden into the great, wide world, placing angels and a magical flaming sword to guard over the garden and the tree of life for eternity.

Here's the thing: This was Adam and Eve's first offense. It was the first actual sin that either one had ever committed. And it's not like they had parents to teach them right from wrong.

Hell, they didn't even have childhoods.

They were two full-grown adults, sprung up from the ground like tulips, living in a Garden that was inhabited by an ethereal father-figure and a talking snake.

Not exactly the best of circumstances.

And then, the first time that they do anything wrong...

BAM!

... they receive the smack down of all time. The punishment of all punishments. Not only does God sentence them to banishment and death, but he does the same to all of their future generations. Every single human born after Adam and Eve will continue to pay for their transgressions.

Like I said, that is one mean bastard of a father.